Several months back I had a simple experience that lead me to some deep thought on the matters of a life in the hands of God. No miracles or revelations were involved; there was a road, a building and a person. This is for Erin:

A life in the role of a Christian is not unlike that of our ancestors', God's first people, Israel. To be called a stiff-necked people was an understatement. How our Lord must have been saddened when they refused to obey Him over endless, frivolous matters. As a child raised with these stories I took a haughty outlook. Who were these people who couldn't seem to listen to the wisdom of God? But truth be told, I was no different.

This last year I have settled into a faith that beautifully pushes me into a deeper and deeper relationship with the God of Jacob and Isaac. Along with the privileges of Mass and so many devotions, I now have a community who remembers the error of the Israelites and reminds me of the promised land, heaven. But the question still remains, how is this done, and what must we learn from history in order to accomplish His will? I was reminded with a road, a building and a person.

Before classes ended last year I was in a mad rush to find a job in order to support myself over the summer. On the list of opportunities was a factory on the far south of town. My record with factory work was bittersweet, the pay was good, but the work was monotonous. So regardless of my qualms I printed my resume and headed out of town. As the road grew narrower and the scene around me changed from city to rural I thought about the lives of those I was driving past. How many of them were happy? Who of them were alone? How many were Catholic? Did the men have wifes and did they love them? Were the children being raised with love? Each must have a home, car, electronics, couches and bills. But did any of them know the mystery of their very own lives?

At that moment I became very sad, even bringing tears to my eyes as I drove by them all. The answer to mine and their sorrows was so very clear. I heard the words of Christ, "When Jesus heard this, he said to him, You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When [He] heard this, when he heard the suffering of the people around him he gave them three instructions; sell, give and follow. For the common man, selling his home and belongings and becoming a minister isn't all that appealing, and the reason is understandable, especially for someone with a family. But Jesus was asking these people to do something that would cleanse them in the most remarkable way.

This thought was in my head as I pulled into the parking lot. Turning the keys back and unbuckling my seatbelt, I sat back and stared at the building in front of me. It was large even for a factory and the only sign of the inside activities was the smoke rising from the many pipes out of the top. I felt a strong need to stay in the car and so I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them the building was still there, but now a man was coming out of the main door and walking to his car. He looked worn and disheveled from probably far too many hours of labor. From the building to his car he walked head-down, never raising his eyes, not even taking notice of anything around him.

While I remained in the car I thought about this mans sorrows. He was one of the many people I passed, miserable, but not knowing why. Then I thought about the people I met in my first year of college, my first year of Catholicism. The people who labored not for material, but for God. People like Professor Kloska. When these people left their work at the end of the day they were worn out and drained, but I can't remember seeing any of them with their heads down. When I think of the spiritual people in my life, I think of them with their heads up as if looking to heaven as their destination. When I thought about this my body relaxed and I forgot about the reason I had made the drive. I immediately turned my car around and drove back home.

When I returned to my dorm I began throwing away the unnecessary things I owned. It wasn't giving to the poor, but it was giving up on the treasures of earth. More than that I made a new leap of faith, I was going to start following Christ. Being a good person wasn't good enough, it would take being a Godly person, of constant renewal and humility. This past year I have done things I am not proud of. I have rejected friendships on the basis of pride, sought out to hurt those close to me and thought of myself as better than them. I have been stiff-necked. For some, it may have taken a close eye to see it, but just because I talked like a Catholic doesn't mean I was acting as one.

Over winter break I apologized and asked forgiveness from both God and the people I hurt. On top of that I readjusted my path and started concentrating on what God wanted from me. No scripture resounds more in my heart than Paul's words in Romans:
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

And so I ask from my friends and close companions to see in me what God sees, that I am a wretched man, but what I truly seek is love and devotion to our faith and the example of Christ.
I imagine that my time in purgatory will be an enjoyable one. The thought of pouring out my sins and receiving the instruction of God is awe inspiring. Yet I have a similar opportunity now and I certainly plan on taking it. Deep inside I have always wanted to be like a dessert father, leaving all things behind such that only God could be my focus. There is truly no place to hide from satin today but in the hands of God. It is here I plan to live my life, but I do not plan on doing it alone. I have recently gained a friendship that proves to me once again that God is looking out for me. I have asked for a direction towards Him, but he gave me instead the life of someone already on that path.

I plan on answering God's request to lay down the frivolous and pursue the righteous. My goal is always heaven and the saintly life to get there. For quite some time I have been stumbling along that path, but now I have a hand to hold me upright and the road is looking brighter and brighter. Thank you, Erin, for giving me that hand and that hope. I will ask God to give me the strength to lead you to that place as well.

Posted in: on Thursday, January 24, 2008 at at 1:21 AM